There are two kinds of travelers: those who carefully pick and book their preferred airplane seat in advance and those who wait until boarding to see what’s available. Neither approach is wrong—but for the second group, is it okay to ask other passengers to switch seats once you’re on the plane?
Back in March, a Reddit user posted in the United Airlines subreddit, wondering if they were wrong for refusing to swap seats with a woman who wanted to sit with her kids.
The user shared their story: “Last year, I was on a late cross-country flight to Newark. When I checked in, I snagged an aisle seat right behind the exit row. I was thrilled because I’d originally been stuck with a middle seat way in the back. After a long day, all I wanted was to get home and kiss my son goodnight.”
But after settling in, a woman approached them, saying they were “sitting next to her two children” and asked if they’d switch seats. The Reddit user noted that the “children” looked more like young adults—“maybe college-aged”—and that the woman only had a middle seat in the very last row to offer in exchange.
The conversation didn’t go well. “I didn’t outright say no, but I explained that I’d prefer to keep my aisle seat near the front because I get claustrophobic. Before I could finish, she cut me off, called me a bad person for ‘forcing’ her to sit apart from her kids, and stormed away.”
Things got worse after landing. “She came back to our row and said, ‘I bet you had a great flight sitting next to my two amazing children.’ Honestly, they were loud and didn’t wear deodorant. Then, off the plane, she screamed profanities at me—I actually thought she might hit me. Looking back, I should’ve gotten a crew member involved. It felt like harassment.”
The traveler still wonders: Were they in the wrong?
What the Law Says
Danny Karon, a consumer rights attorney and law professor, says the passenger was well within their rights to refuse. “Your ticket is a contract guaranteeing you the seat you paid for. End of story. You’re not a ‘bad person’ for using what you bought.”
He adds that it’s always okay to decline a swap, though a polite “No, thank you” is the best approach. That said, if the switch is a fair trade—like swapping one window seat for another—saying yes is just as valid.
Etiquette Experts Weigh In
Jenny Dreizen, an etiquette expert and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, says asking is fine—but with one big condition: “You must be ready for a ‘no.’ A seat swap is a favor, not a demand. The other person has every right to refuse, especially if they paid extra or chose their seat for a reason.”
Richie Frieman (aka the Modern Manners Guy from QuickAndDirtyTips.com) agrees. He’d usually say yes if flying alone—unless the new seat would cause real discomfort. “I’m short, but I have tall friends who literally can’t fit in certain seats without pain. That’s a health issue, not just preference.”
Bottom line? You can say no just because you don’t want to move. And if things get heated, call a flight attendant. As Karon points out, crews are experts at handling seat disputes—even removing passengers if necessary.
How Other Travelers Reacted
Reddit users had strong opinions. One said, “If she cared that much, she should’ve paid to pick seats or booked earlier.” Another suggested asking the back-row passengers to switch with her kids instead.
A third user recommended involving the crew right away: “Flight attendants don’t mind stepping in, and you avoid looking like the problem if things escalate.”
Leave a Reply